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While Aristotle's impact can still be felt in many disciplines, one of his most enduring observations relates to friendship. He saw friendship as one of the true joys of life, and felt that a life well-lived must include truly meaningful, lasting friendships. In his words:
In poverty as well as in other misfortunes, people suppose that friends are their only refuge. And friendship is a help to the young, in saving them from error, just as it is also to the old, with a view to the care they require and their diminished capacity for action stemming from their weakness; it is a help also to those in their prime in performing noble actions, for 'two going together' are better able to think and to act.
The Accidental Friendships
Aristotle outlined two common kinds of friendships that are more accidental than intentional. We often fall into these kinds of friendships without realizing it.
The first is a friendship of utility. In this relationship, two parties are not in it for affection. Rather, they're in it for the benefit each receives from the other. These relationships are temporary: whenever the benefit ends, so does the relationship. Aristotle observed that these relationships of utility were most common among older people.
Think of a business or work relationship, for example. You may enjoy the time you spend together, but once the situation changes, so does the nature of your connection.
Aristotle's second kind of accidental friendship is based in pleasure. This kind of relationship, he found, was more common among younger people. Think of your college friends or people who play in the same sports league. Their relationship is grounded in the emotion they feel at a given time or during a certain activity.
These friendships are often the most short-lived relationships of our lives. And that's fine, as long as the two parties gain enjoyment through a mutual interest in something external. But these friendships inevitably end when either person's tastes or preferences change. Many young people go through phases in what they enjoy. Quite often, their friends change along the way.
Most friendships fall into these two accidental categories, and while Aristotle didn't necessarily see them as bad, he did feel their lack in depth limited their quality. It's fine, and even necessary, to have accidental friendships — but there's far more out there.
The Friendship of the Good
Aristotle's final form of friendship seems to be the most preferable. Rather than utility or pleasure, this kind of relationship is based on a mutual appreciation of the virtues the other person holds dear. In this kind of friendship, the people themselves and the qualities they represent provide the incentive for the two parties to be in each other's lives.
Friendships of virtue take time and trust to build. They depend on mutual growth.
Rather than being short-lived, such a relationship endures over time, and there's generally a base level of goodness required in each person for it to exist in the first place.
People who lack empathy and the ability to care for others seldom develop these kinds of relationships because their preference tends toward pleasure or utility. What's more, friendships of virtue take time and trust to build. They depend on mutual growth."
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